From my pathetic interview with the Wu-tang’s GZA:
“GZA: I stopped eating pork in 77. I stopped eating beef in 89. I stopped eating chicken and fish and turkey in 96 because I figured I don’t want to eat anything that’s dead. Meat is so contaminated. It’s so full of drugs and toxins and poisons – I’d rather not eat it. I think it was a piece of chicken that turned me off. It must have been really nasty looking.”
If you’re into boring interviews with unpopular women:
“I think the art scene in Chicago suffers from a Second City mentality. Having grown up as a New Yorker and having become a Chicagoan, I have always been amazed at how weirdly Chicagoans relate to NY. It’s such a love/hate relationship but nonetheless one that ends up making Chicago feel inferior. If Chicago would simply accept that its scale can never rival or equal that of New York’s but that there are terrific artists, curators, gallerists, museums and the best Art Schools in the country, Chicago could simply feel proud of what it has and encourage the range of experimentation that makes it unique. There is a confidence issue here that Chicago needs to overcome.”
Coverage of the AWP Conference for the BOMB Magazine.
“9:45 a.m.- A swarm of smarty-pants fills the main lobby. This is the people version of the Westminster dog show’s backstage clamor. Women with flowy slimming pants and silky hair resemble those elegant, shiny dogs with the pointy noses. However, these women don’t have the same gait, maybe beceause there is not enough room to prance. I am pretty sure that Chico’s brand clothes has sponsored the AWP.
There are puggy type men with Raybans. I saw one wearing the shades last night. I wonder if these people have dogs that look like them, but my guess is, because they are writers, they have cats that are aloof.”
My only theater review, which made the theater really mad:
“Do you have a creepy, pale brother in law that is really into Rennaissance Faires and Dungeons and Dragons, even though he is in his mid-30’s? Does he spend hours in the bathroom reading gaming magazines while everyone is enjoying Thanksgiving dinner? You probably don’t give him much thought (unless you’re spooning sweet potato casserole onto his unattended plate while the sound of his overstressed sphincter whimpers behind closed doors), but once you get on that plane and head back home, he’s not on your mind, or is he? Fortunately, the antidote to the traumatic experiences with your brother in law’s dragon-lust and bowel troubles can be administered easily by the Factory Theater’s comedically offensive Ren Faire: A Fist Full of Ducats.”
I took out the offensive part because I was tired of getting outraged emails from them. Read on.
Everyone needs to see passive aggressive notes and advice about the shitty food downtown:
“One of the unique features of the School of the Art institute Chicago is that nary a meal plan is offered. Sure we have Sonny’s in the Columbus building, and those little faux-cafeterias in the Sharp and MacLean buildings, but where do students who live in the dorms or those who want to mingle with Chicago’s office workers eat? I offer several downtowny alternatives for your lunchtime munchies and nighttime cravings.
Webmaster’s Note: this looks suspiciously similar to last year’s guide to eating downtown. In an effort to provide our readers with fresh content I have added my own commentary to Natalie’s reviews. Like this note, my thoughts will be in italics.
-Editor’s note: The Webmaster’s note looks suspiciously similar to my butthole, so I’ll be responding to his responses with a little dash in front of my comments so that he can tell that he didn’t write it.
Webmaster’s Note: Having never seen the Editor’s butthole I cannot vouche for the accuracy of the above comment. However, my butthole looks like this * so my rebuttal’s will have that in front of them.”
This is helpful. Read it.
I can recommend books too.
“The Israel Lobby and U.S. Foreign Policy by John H. Mearsheimer and Stephen M. Walt
Lately, you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a book written by some sort of social scientist from University of Chicago.
This book began as a 2006 article in the London Review of Books, in which the authors investigated pro-Israel influence in America and abroad. Readers who manage to trudge through the 496 pages of this book may be inspired to pay closer attention to what our presidential candidates are saying: is anyone willing to question US spending practices? Readers might wonder why policy makers aren’t saying, “Hey, maybe taxpayers would like to spend that $134,791,507,200 on domestic issues instead of on Israel.” Readers may also be prompted to question what kind of effect that amount of money has on the stability of the Middle East, but the sheer size of this book is as intimidating as the conglomerate of pro-Israel influences discussed between its covers. If you want the information in this book without actually reading it, I suggest bypassing the insane amount of words. Download Stephen Walt’s 2008 American University in Cairo lecture available through iTunes.”
There are other helpful reviews too.
Probably really outdated, eh?
“Grant Reynolds, a recent SAIC graduate and the holder of $70,000 in educational debt, thinks the idea of paying off his student loans is so abstract that he can’t imagine actually doing it at any point. “Basically,” he says, ‘I’ve come to terms with the notion that my loan payments are just another bill I’ll be paying every month for the rest of my life.’”
If you’re just really bored or a stalker, read on…